unedited

I love the written word. I cannot remember a time when I didn't. Not only was my love for it restricted to reading but I even tried to write, from simple messages in my diary to short stories. But I never had the courage to publish about the things that really interests me. High school life made me more open about this, for yes, I was able to compete in essay writing. but usually done if almost all the class would be competing too. Under the guise of joking or trip lang. My mom was my avid fan...even though most of what i wrote she hadn't even read, since i kept them to myself. She read the college publication where I became a news editor (nobody wanted that post at that time!) and my articles before I submitted them. But those were entirely different than what I am talking about. I never published about the things that I love most...my family, my passions. Even when blogging started, I was very tempted to do so. Sadly, a lot of things prevented me. I prevented ME. Looking back maybe, it is because the things that matter most is either buried deep within or because I convinced myself I was not good enough. but, no more. I don't care if I am not grammatically correct nor even correct, for that matter. This is me, pure...simple. unedited.

destino

"The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny."

A lot of people asked me why I left the call center world where I've been a part of for such a short time. For the longest time, I couldn't really tell them why, except my closest friends, who, even before I explain already knows more than I might be able to share. So I always give an abridged version, true yet maybe, incomprehensible.

But the reason was very simple. That was not my destiny.

I enjoyed my stay in that world, there is no denying that. I was even able to conquer most of my fears and believe that I am good, regardless of anything...of my self-doubts. There I regained and became more capable of rejoicing, without boasts or false modesty, that I am something. Mostly, in the midst of all the chaos, the busy fast-paced corporate world, everything became clear. Although I made the first step, for how many months after that first step, I retreated, perhaps afraid to face adult life again. Paulo Coelho is right when he mentioned the above quote in his webpage. A week, really, is a long time to decide whether or not one will accept what is destined to be. My decision to leave the call center was one time where it was very clear to me that staying was not for me, there are other things in store for me...i did not yet know at that time, but I knew that I had to get out. For me, I have fulfilled my reason for being there and felt that change is in the air.

on buses and trains

july 31 at around 7:30 pm (gmt+08:00) was the worst ride i had in the mrt (metro railway transit). waited for awhile and had to shove and be pushed towards the train's doors. we were like sardines and i avoided fainting just by the mere thought of how embarrassing it would be afterwards. if only i wasn't in a hurry since i had a lot of things to do, i would have simply waited. by now i am already used to congested trains but most of the time i still long for the simple and leisurely trip of my childhood and growing up years in the province. i am, after all, still a provinciana at heart. but no matter how tedious i find the trip to be (i have to make 4 rides/transfers to get to where i work!), the mrt station is a part of my daily routine simply because of fear that i'll get stuck in traffic (or would have to wake up very early to beat the morning rush!) if i chose the bus instead. lesser of two evils, i guess. oops, gotta go and endure another "mrt-episode". maybe this time, i'll be lucky and won't get pushed in the mrt or maybe i get to sit down for the duration of my ride.