courage, my friend

From my previous post i touched briefly about the time it took me to write a blog (and have it open to the public) so I can say I definitely identify and know by heart Paulo Coelho's answer.

"What were the greatest difficulties you faced during your career as a writer?

Paulo Coelho : To take the decision itself. It is good to have a dream, but it demands a lot of courage to try to live your dream." (http://paulocoelhoblog.com)

I may not be a great writer (and don't have a career as one), but I was once saddled with indecisions, doubts and a lot of negativity often encountered by writers (come to think of it, all people) toward my own writing. and most of my dreams.

It took a lot of courage to let go of familiar things/feelings that once comforted me but had been, in reality, obstacles in pursuing my dreams. Being a fairly intelligent being, I had all sorts of explanation toward decisions (indecisions) made and the path I chose to travel. But I am slowly breaking free and finally putting all my words into paper (action), though there is always this little bug that tells me to hide and go back. I haven't gotten to that point yet when all I've ever dreamed of cannot be traded for something else, something more "realistic", but I am getting there.

As I continue with my struggles, whether as a writer or just as a person, let me thank all the people who continue to prod, scold, and inspire me to be the best that I can be.

To those who simply believe, I salute you.

To all those who are struggling and praying for courage, know that you are not alone.

tennis bug

as i was surfing (got frustrated and drifted farther and farther in cyberspace) for places to stay in baguio this coming december, i chanced upon a blog that leads to a married woman's blog. since i took an interest in the recent blog, i scanned the title of the posts. the one about tennis and her obsession with roger federer made me think of my own passions (and yes, obsession) toward the game and sports, in general. i've chosen to put a link to her site since the posts i read seemed to come from me.

i don't play tennis. and if you've met me, you'll know it would take all the muscles and everything else i've got just to lift and swing the racket, and that would be done while standing and not running around after the ball!

but, i just plain love the game. close to how i love basketball. however, that's another topic for another day.

back to tennis, and roger federer, and my long-time tennis player of all, andre agassi. i like federer, because he really humbly defies and redefines the game. and agassi, for the whole package - as a player and as a person. the coming of the swiss player cushioned the disappointment i felt due to agassi's retirement. when i was writing down all the things i want to do, people and places i want to see and meet, these two are not far down the list...and yes, that by some miracle i get to see even one wimbledon or french/australian open.

i can vividly remember bantering with Roger, Kuya John and some guys from my former work, and even betting (without money, since i totally agree with my mom on her views about gambling) on every game. and getting so excited when we talk shop. hmm, i miss those fun times. ala na kasi akong kakulitan dito about sports eh!

senti

wishing on the starless sky, crying for the dreams i lost. lookin' out, yearning everyday. when will we meet at last?

do i even have to wait or are you someone i already know? will i then recognize you? and you, me? are you wishing the same thing/s too?

12:12am 02.16.2007

deep

10.27.2006
06:46 pm

i am a lost soul. wandering these streets, once a while i find connection--with people and places. most of th etime, it doesn't last. i enjoy it, treasure it. yet deep within grows the same passions, hunger, emptiness...desperation.

d bestseller

in our lives we don't only have one story. it's like a book, with chapters, different characters and full of twists and turns. some characters might be there from start to finish while others might figure in just a page or two. Much like in real life where there are people who walk with us all throughout the journey, and those who are fleeting presence, yet both leave lasting imprints.

- 09:12 pm 10.20.2006

to all the characters in my book, thank you for having made/making everything wonderful, mad and colorful. fit for a bestseller.

"history of food...and everything"

my eccentricity (read: very particular) with food and intake has been a source of ribbing from friends and relatives. i don't mind those good-natured jokes and sometimes, encountering shocked faces and even more questions when one discovers it for the first time. i've gotten used to it and can now honestly say am at home and have accepted it.

for a time, however, that has not been the case. i can remember a time in high school when i had to pretend to eat (and actually ate bits, with lots of rice and generous gulps of water) vegetable during girl scouts' activities simply because i didn't want to be labeled sosyal and by default, be different. belonging in high school, of course, was very much in every young one's mind then as, by all indications, it is now. i didn't experience nor feel (okay, to be honest, sometimes) inferior and unsure of myself then, yet i still felt the need to be like everyone else at school. amongst family it was totally different. i was me, no pretensions. never felt the need to be a new or different me. and still don't feel the need now.

things changed in college. there i wasn't afraid to be matured. wasn't afraid to be right and wrong. and slowly became me. first, amongst friends, then, to mere acquaintances and strangers.

i didn't care whether they knew i don't eat vegetables and anything with mayonnaise, don't like ketchup (except when it's added in spaghetti and as long as i don't taste it more than the other sauces), don't eat beef (although peculiarly i eat burger patties, stateside corned beef and 1 locally-made corned beef), don't like dishes with vinegar (even the smell oftentimes makes me gag) and yes, if one of these touches my food, i can't eat it already.

unhealthy and limiting, some say, and i agree. but, i am happy and for now i am content.

i miss...

...my huge and soft bed
...my room
...the tricyles that are way much comfy than the ones here, where it's so tiny and designed so low every humps and bumps can be felt by the rider
...guinobatan longaniza, the family's fave way way back and the best that i've tried so far
...dishes (bisteg, adobo, and those dishes with sabaw) cooked as only family knows how.
...barking of dogs, ours, i mean. and playing with them.
...the kurakdings in Camalig, Bicol, Manila and abroad, of course (you know who you are!)
...good cable tv (axn!!star!)
...walking to the mall and chancing upon friends and acquaintances every time without fail
...slow-paced/laidback lifestyle
...the little kurakdings
...easy transportation schemes (read: driven by/hitching a ride w friends or relatives) and shorter travel time
...my dvd component
...the sight of Mayon Volcano
...friendly friends (again, you know who you are)